I do not do traditional couples counselling. Why? Because 90% of relationships that go for traditional couples counselling fail. Way too much he said, she said, they should, they didn’t, blah, blah, blah. All that does is focus your mind like a laser beam on everything you don’t like about your partner, and make you listen to your own failings from them. Pretty hard to feel great about each other under those conditions. But hey, you chose each other, and you haven’t quit yet, so there must be plenty to love about each other too, right?
Most couples think that their problems arise because they don’t communicate enough, but the greater truth is that you communicate too much at the wrong time.
When I work with couples, I do something different, and a whole lot more useful. I teach you how to understand your own nature, and your partners nature, so that you can really enjoy your relationship.
When you come together as a couple, you come with all of your socialization, your expectations, your rules, your preferences, your differences. With all of those on board, what your partner says and does feels pretty personal. No wonder we want them to change, so that we can feel happy or comfortable.
If you want to see lasting improvements in your relationship, what you really need is just 3 or 4 things:
The first is to understand yourself better, which is to say, to understand the nature of the human mind, how it is created and how it works. When you have that nailed, you will clearly see how much of your angst, drama and unhappiness within your relationship is truly created by your partner, and how much of it is an unconscious creation from past conditioning, and old programs. Once you know that, you are well on your way to more happiness not just within your relationship but within every aspect of your life
The second, you must understand the nature of your preferences, desires and rules. Most of them are hurting you and worth dumping, some of them are deal breakers, and have to be clearly communicated.
The third, you must know how to ask for what you want, but learn how to not get too attached to the outcome.
Lastly, you need to learn about all of those little things that “they” meant when they said “relationships take work”.
For instance, speaking their love language or knowing when not to communicate or how to ask want so your partner feels excited to give it to you etc.
If you want to work on your relationship, you need to be: open minded, willing and wanting to be happy in your relationship, and willing to look deeply at yourself, not just what you want from your partner.
The video below is a short excerpt from an interview on the real health show, about the 3 things that you need to be good at for a great relationship:
The relationship program is 10 hours, and can be done as a team together, or, if you are an individual wanting to have a better experience within your relationship, and struggling, this one is for you too.